Reawakened

I am an open book. I love to experience and share with others. I did this more openly than ever just a few years ago. I wasn't expecting him but he came and rocked my world for a year. Long distance wasn't on the menu but I edited the menu for the feeling of potential love and a life with someone who I adored and who adored me back. I opened an abyss inside of me that I never knew, where a passionate, sexy, and powerful goddess lived who was in touch with her sexuality. The long distance melted away with photos and texts and yes, videos. Something I had been terrified to delve into in this dangerous age of unsecured cyber. But I was in love. I felt safe. Then came the realization, a bit too late, that it was all a lie. A stinking lie.

Fast forward a few years. I continued to recover and lick my wounds while I evolved in my personal life. I, for sure, did not need a man. I always knew that. But I craved Oxycontin and passion and yes, love.

I focused on my kids and my livelihood and the cravings went away. Oh how life was so much easier when I did not have a man to distract me. I am a passionate lover and I fall hard. I cannot have just one side of a relationship....the physical one.  I give myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. There is a gift and a curse to this. But I was doing well. My kids were succeeding more than I could have ever thought. I was manifesting incredible opportunities. I had a well rounded life with my kids, my charities, my multiple jobs, and of course my soul family. All of these tended to mask the hole in me that I was denying.

Then you came.

From nowhere.

Just as plans were falling into place for a huge move to another part of the country and I was feeling like things were flowing. You reappeared in my life to reignite the inner sensuality I thought had died out with age. Oh how I was so wrong.

It was just a restaurant opening for an article in the paper.  I loved writing and meeting new people. I had done an article on you years before. A well-known musician and one I would always stay far away from even with that divine temptation of that look you would give me with that twinge of devilishness. I was drawn by the new mini tribe I had reconnected to once again. I found myself in the oasis of this restaurant setting being doted upon more than a few times. And the lingering stares were beginning to become harder to pull away from where just a time before I would avoid them altogether.

A kiss on the roof became the spark that awake my sleeping passion to open one eye deep in its cave. My mental and emotional self slammed that door quickly. A musician. NOPE! Been there, done that, a few times...learn your lesson, girl! 

A slightly drunken text after that late event with wine turned into an innocent offer for a birthday gift: a massage. But just a massage I warned myself as the devil on my other shoulder howled hilariously and the passionate dragon within opened its other eye.

I am not a masseuse. But I offered a gift to a friend. I summoned my healing power and my restraint and worked your body. Your naked body.  I was not to get distracted from my one mission. The chocolate oil mixed with the music wafting through the air was not building my defenses against you but weakening them. We would finish soon. The others would be here to rehearse and I was not going to be caught running out the door. I had my escape plan. No gossip needed when nothing was happening or would.....

The way you softly grasped my hands as I was massaging your arms. Sweet and kind and I was not going to see it as anything more than you connecting with me. We had already established that our souls were reuniting. As the temperature was rising in the small, darkened room, you gently pulled off my t-shirt. It was ok because I was standing strong and even a topless massage was not going to where I forbade it to go. I was in control.

You grabbed the small towel and softly wiped the sweat from my back. Then you pulled me closer and our energies locked. From that moment on I was doomed. The music intensified, my pulse quickened, your breath on my neck was fire hot. "No No No" my mind screamed and was soon drowned out by my own moaning. I justified it as it would just be an intimate few moments exchanging energy.  I was not going to fuck you.

So I thought.

The energy was swirling around us like the Kundalini inside of me. I felt reinvigorated and weak all at once. The way you caressed me and the pressure of your skin against mine. I liked it. It had been so long since I had felt wanted, since I had wanted and desired. The slickness of your skin with the remnants of the oil only seemed to make us meld together more like molten iron. That inner,  hibernating dragon slammed open the cave door and came running out with such a burst of energy I didn't see what was happening until it was too late. 

You were inside of me.

No times for thoughts or filters. I was going to enjoy this for what it was. A gift from you for me. So unplanned and not intended but so what I needed. Feeling that passion grow with your gentle thrusts but also the connection of your eyes with mine. I could swim in your look for eternity. Just as I thought I could stay there forever, I felt the last bliss of your pulsations inside of mine, our desires locking in a mutual bliss that will stay with me for a very long time. The awakening from a very long hiatus. I felt reborn.

I was reawakened.